so much has to be said that is remaining unsaid because you won't let me say them to you.
i trace the outline of your face. i may not know everything but i know enough.
i know below the surface are legs kicking as fast as they can to keep you afloat.
and all you will allow me to do is sit on my stupid raft and watch.
you can wipe away the window pane promises like they don't exist. you don't want them to. i can understand i guess.
i lie awake sometimes thinking about what was then and wonder if any of it was real. or did i paint a pretty picture for myself to look at. partially delusional.
to a certain extent i held god accountable - if i had a difficult childhood, this much you owe me. if you take away my daddy you will give me someone else
but you took, not just daddy, but one, two, three, four and five. how much more.
i'm so tired. something has to come out of this right? i was not born to remain in the dank cold.
